It's the day after Samhaim and I thought I would write a few things down about dad. Some things that I remember and things that he told me years ago and things that his brother told me a few months ago when I visited with him. Things that others may or not know or even care about - however, writing about dad helped me get through the accident, so when ever I am missing him - I write down memories and it helps me work through certain things and even recall other things that are buried deep in my flawed brain.
Dad had a horrible temper that I remember as a child. He worked long hours for the electric company and when I was little I remember that he worked a lot of Saturday overtime for the company. He was also on call for "trouble" - meaning that he would have to go in if there was a storm or some other "trouble" that required emergency workers. I know that he worked during the riots in 1968, Hurricane Agnes in 1972 and pretty much after any thunderstorm that wiped out power in the area no matter the day or time. If he didn't work on Saturday, it was rare and he used the day to run errands, wash cars, make repairs around the house and sleep. I remember him on the roof painting my windows, I remember helping him wash his company car, I remember him not being home on his day off because he had to take one of the cars in for service. I remember him getting phone calls late at night during storms and he would gear up and go out and I wouldn't see him until the next day. I also remember him at the hospital with me when I had my stroke. He taught me how to take pills because there were no liquid forms of any of the meds I was on. He slept in the chair next to my bed - every night and then got up and went to work the next morning - came home, showered, ate dinner and reappeared at the hospital to spend another night in the chair. It has been speculated that the reason he was there was to keep me from talking about some imagined abuse at his hands, but I don't see how that's possible considering that I would have had all day to run my mouth while he was at work.
Dad scheduled his time very tightly because in all honestly I don't remember that he had a lot of it when I was small. He managed to take me and sis to piano lessons, he sang in his church choir on Sundays and went to choir rehearsals on Thursdays. He had season tickets to the symphony and the opera and managed to take us on vacations almost every year. Mom did not work at all that I remember until I turned 8 or 9 and then she was simply an aide at my elementary school in the cafeteria a few hours a week. She had worked as an administrative assistant for the Pennsylvania Railroad making great money until I was born, but as with so many women in the 60's - she had to quit when she began to 'show' and then stayed home after that. Money was very tight and I honestly think that mom thought that dad was going to become a doctor or a dentist following his discharge from the army - she indicated that in her diary - but sadly, he didn't receive the GI Bill like his brothers had done, thus there was no way to pay for medical school. He went to night school briefly, thinking maybe law school was the way to go, but dropped out soon after. He had thyroid problems and betwen work exhausting him, his reserves duty and night school - I've no idea how he stayed upright. He worked at the steel plant for a year or so while he went to electronics school and finally got the job with the electric company.
I also think that his salary was less than mom was expecting too, and I remember her complaing about having to work the few hours she did put in at my school. Dad did freelance repair work on electronic equipment at our church - I remember he always had a record player or a tape recorder or a typewriter to repair. It supplemented his income so he did it. I do know that mom had surgery when I was about 3 or 4 and following that she wore a back brace for a year or so to fuse the section of her upper spine that had been operated on. It seemed that there were always medical bills of some sort.
I do know that obviously they loved each other very much at one time or the other, but even after she recovered from her surgery - mom was mean, nasty and mouthy and if things weren't do just so, or kept just so, or cleaned just so - she would shriek for hours. And it wasn't a case of her hollering 'jes do do it' - it was a case of a glass of spilled milk causing her to have to re-scrub the entire kitchen and wash the walls down because one didn't know where the milk might have splattered. She would howl about the work and who's fault it was and if dad had caused whatever the transgression was - he normally heard about it for days. He worked unbelievably hard for most of his life - his job was not an easy one and I know that eventually he had enough of listening to mom's mouth. He told me once after she died - that he probably should have either divorced her years ago but because he had seen what divorce had done to his family, he didn't want the same things for his children - so he stayed. I saw her throw hot coffee on him, I saw her pour a teakettle of boiling water on him once and when he ran out the back door to get away from her, she promptly locked him out of the house. She scratched and clawed at his face even when she was in a hospital bed in 2002 because he wouldn't do whatever it was that she wanted right away. The same year she called the police at 2 am and claimed that she was being abused because he didn't get up right away to cath her. He had a schedule for doing that because she had refused to have a Foley cath put in - and had slept through the alarm because he was exhausted. Her response - call the cops.
Dad loved music dearly and probably should have been a musician - any sort of musician but he felt that he didn't know enough about it to do anything with it. He stated this in a bit of writing he did for night school. He played the piano, the trumpet, the clarinet and the cello. I think he was thrilled when I expressed interest in the piano and by the time I was 11 - sis was playing not only the piano but the cello as well. She played in various orchestras and competed county wide and state wide - winning most of the competitions. I know that dad was unbelievably proud of her and used to go to all of her rehearsals and concerts. I don't recall that he pushed her much - but I do know that mom would be the one to fuss and complain when sis didn't practice as much as she thought she should have. Mom acted like we both owed her something for all of the money laid out for lessons etc. I finally quit when I was 16 because it had become obvious that because of the stroke - I was not going to go any further with my piano lessons. Dad was totally fine with it but told me that I would have to tell my teacher. I did. Mom had a fit because I guess she felt that money had been wasted on me. I don't know - but I do know that dad was out of the house as much as possible. When he was there, there was always a fight - so he would take sis to her orchestra rehersals and just stay rather than returning home. I honestly don't think he wanted to be home. He loved music so he stayed where it was being made. When sis's shoulder got messed up - that put a strain on things because he was home more - sis couldn't play. When she continued to have trouble with the shoulder - mom rather nastily informed the whole world that she was probably just making it all up because she didn't want to play anymore. Of course mom was convinced that the pain from my ruptured disc in 1986 was just me being lazy and feigning pain because I didn't want to do my chores. Mom was simply not very nice if you mentioned that anything hurt.
Sis did some solo work in 2004 with an orchestra and dad positively bubbled over and simply could not contain himself - that's how proud he was. He may not have expressed it to her - but I was living in the house at the time and Amber and I heard about it every waking second until the concert. He beamed. I understand that his presence at her rehearsals and at her concerts might have seemed a bit strange to her and to others - but dad wanted to be near the music and I think that mom had pushed him away and so he turned back to his first love - which was music.
Dad had a horrible temper that I remember as a child. He worked long hours for the electric company and when I was little I remember that he worked a lot of Saturday overtime for the company. He was also on call for "trouble" - meaning that he would have to go in if there was a storm or some other "trouble" that required emergency workers. I know that he worked during the riots in 1968, Hurricane Agnes in 1972 and pretty much after any thunderstorm that wiped out power in the area no matter the day or time. If he didn't work on Saturday, it was rare and he used the day to run errands, wash cars, make repairs around the house and sleep. I remember him on the roof painting my windows, I remember helping him wash his company car, I remember him not being home on his day off because he had to take one of the cars in for service. I remember him getting phone calls late at night during storms and he would gear up and go out and I wouldn't see him until the next day. I also remember him at the hospital with me when I had my stroke. He taught me how to take pills because there were no liquid forms of any of the meds I was on. He slept in the chair next to my bed - every night and then got up and went to work the next morning - came home, showered, ate dinner and reappeared at the hospital to spend another night in the chair. It has been speculated that the reason he was there was to keep me from talking about some imagined abuse at his hands, but I don't see how that's possible considering that I would have had all day to run my mouth while he was at work.
Dad scheduled his time very tightly because in all honestly I don't remember that he had a lot of it when I was small. He managed to take me and sis to piano lessons, he sang in his church choir on Sundays and went to choir rehearsals on Thursdays. He had season tickets to the symphony and the opera and managed to take us on vacations almost every year. Mom did not work at all that I remember until I turned 8 or 9 and then she was simply an aide at my elementary school in the cafeteria a few hours a week. She had worked as an administrative assistant for the Pennsylvania Railroad making great money until I was born, but as with so many women in the 60's - she had to quit when she began to 'show' and then stayed home after that. Money was very tight and I honestly think that mom thought that dad was going to become a doctor or a dentist following his discharge from the army - she indicated that in her diary - but sadly, he didn't receive the GI Bill like his brothers had done, thus there was no way to pay for medical school. He went to night school briefly, thinking maybe law school was the way to go, but dropped out soon after. He had thyroid problems and betwen work exhausting him, his reserves duty and night school - I've no idea how he stayed upright. He worked at the steel plant for a year or so while he went to electronics school and finally got the job with the electric company.
I also think that his salary was less than mom was expecting too, and I remember her complaing about having to work the few hours she did put in at my school. Dad did freelance repair work on electronic equipment at our church - I remember he always had a record player or a tape recorder or a typewriter to repair. It supplemented his income so he did it. I do know that mom had surgery when I was about 3 or 4 and following that she wore a back brace for a year or so to fuse the section of her upper spine that had been operated on. It seemed that there were always medical bills of some sort.
I do know that obviously they loved each other very much at one time or the other, but even after she recovered from her surgery - mom was mean, nasty and mouthy and if things weren't do just so, or kept just so, or cleaned just so - she would shriek for hours. And it wasn't a case of her hollering 'jes do do it' - it was a case of a glass of spilled milk causing her to have to re-scrub the entire kitchen and wash the walls down because one didn't know where the milk might have splattered. She would howl about the work and who's fault it was and if dad had caused whatever the transgression was - he normally heard about it for days. He worked unbelievably hard for most of his life - his job was not an easy one and I know that eventually he had enough of listening to mom's mouth. He told me once after she died - that he probably should have either divorced her years ago but because he had seen what divorce had done to his family, he didn't want the same things for his children - so he stayed. I saw her throw hot coffee on him, I saw her pour a teakettle of boiling water on him once and when he ran out the back door to get away from her, she promptly locked him out of the house. She scratched and clawed at his face even when she was in a hospital bed in 2002 because he wouldn't do whatever it was that she wanted right away. The same year she called the police at 2 am and claimed that she was being abused because he didn't get up right away to cath her. He had a schedule for doing that because she had refused to have a Foley cath put in - and had slept through the alarm because he was exhausted. Her response - call the cops.
Dad loved music dearly and probably should have been a musician - any sort of musician but he felt that he didn't know enough about it to do anything with it. He stated this in a bit of writing he did for night school. He played the piano, the trumpet, the clarinet and the cello. I think he was thrilled when I expressed interest in the piano and by the time I was 11 - sis was playing not only the piano but the cello as well. She played in various orchestras and competed county wide and state wide - winning most of the competitions. I know that dad was unbelievably proud of her and used to go to all of her rehearsals and concerts. I don't recall that he pushed her much - but I do know that mom would be the one to fuss and complain when sis didn't practice as much as she thought she should have. Mom acted like we both owed her something for all of the money laid out for lessons etc. I finally quit when I was 16 because it had become obvious that because of the stroke - I was not going to go any further with my piano lessons. Dad was totally fine with it but told me that I would have to tell my teacher. I did. Mom had a fit because I guess she felt that money had been wasted on me. I don't know - but I do know that dad was out of the house as much as possible. When he was there, there was always a fight - so he would take sis to her orchestra rehersals and just stay rather than returning home. I honestly don't think he wanted to be home. He loved music so he stayed where it was being made. When sis's shoulder got messed up - that put a strain on things because he was home more - sis couldn't play. When she continued to have trouble with the shoulder - mom rather nastily informed the whole world that she was probably just making it all up because she didn't want to play anymore. Of course mom was convinced that the pain from my ruptured disc in 1986 was just me being lazy and feigning pain because I didn't want to do my chores. Mom was simply not very nice if you mentioned that anything hurt.
Sis did some solo work in 2004 with an orchestra and dad positively bubbled over and simply could not contain himself - that's how proud he was. He may not have expressed it to her - but I was living in the house at the time and Amber and I heard about it every waking second until the concert. He beamed. I understand that his presence at her rehearsals and at her concerts might have seemed a bit strange to her and to others - but dad wanted to be near the music and I think that mom had pushed him away and so he turned back to his first love - which was music.
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